REVIEW: GOOD Wrestling - No Ring 3

Credit: GOOD Wrestling

GOOD Wrestling: No Ring 3
Etcetera Theatre, London
Saturday, June 4, 2022
Reviewer: Dave Sewell (@davesewell04)

So, after attending Progress SSS16 Day 2, me and my friends decided to head to the Etcetera Theatre, which is situated above a pub of which the name escapes me but it is a literal stones throw from the Ballroom. 

It was a relief to get into the theatre as the queue was in a very crowded pub and was about 15 mins late going in,cwith this being my 4th show in two days I was flagging a bit.

Onto the No Ring show itself, which was square pieces of foam held down with tape and let’s just say the weren’t very secure.

The ring announcer was Adam Good (I think) and the ref was Oscar Harding.

First out were the Chapman Bros, Mad Kurt and Harry, some music hit with Kurt saying it was Zack Sabre Jr - out came a bear(Gideon Grey with a woolly hoodie with bear ears and eyes on) and the match was set.. 

Mad Kurt vs ‘A Bear’

Unfortunately for Harry, the Bear had no idea who Mad Kurt was so proceeded to pretty much maul Harry with Oscar in vain trying to explain he was attacking the wrong person.

Harry did have a few spurts, not least with the Chapman combo (with Kurt shouting yes come on Mad Kurt), which like any other time caused no damage whatsoever and ended up tiring Harry out.

The end came when Harry looked like he was attempting a piledriver, the bear dropped crawled through his legs and applied a sleeper putting Harry out. Kurt, assessing the situation, suddenly whacked the bear with his keyboard then covering him for the three.

After the match there was a discussion, with Kurt advising it really was near Harry’s bedtime so it would be best not to wake him. So, after a mattress was brought in Harry was placed on it with his blanket and it was time for the next match in a loser wakes Harry match.

Charles Crowley v Laura Di Matteo

With the entrance music turned right down Crowley entered to a rousing whispering of ‘Twat’ chants, all the chanting was whispered in this match.

The contest itself was absolutely hilarious, the worst bit being you had to suppress your laughter. It began with a lock up, which each wrestker covering the others mouth as to not make a sound.

It was all rather quiet with soft offence until LDM unloaded a loud foreman, bringing gasps and panicked looks from the crowd and wrestlers.

After a while Harry was moved to a safer place and that was when things escalated with Crowley trying to Suplex LDM onto Harry, which was luckily avoided, not so when Crowley went for a Senton and LDM moved and he landed straight onto Harry.

Crowley quickly picked him, up rocked him, sung a lullaby, then placed him back down after saying this is weird. At one point LDM kept Harry in the land of nod by stroking his hair and giving him a peck on the forehead.

The end of this came when with Crowley down, LDMs eyes lit up, she had a brainwave and stuck Crowley in the VVV making Crowley scream in agony. The crowd could finally chant properly again ‘do do do Laura Di Matteo’.

Tim Lee vs Gene Munny

Next up, Tim Lee (he’s bad), burst in angry. He wasn’t booked and was looking to call someone out…the Damn Dirty Dog Gene Munny.

Gene came out and politely declined as he had a broken knuckle and had SSS16 the next day. This angered Tim who kicked up a bit of the No Ring, when this was pointed out Tim went to kick the piece of ring again and got his foot caught on some tape and fell flat on hid back.

Eventually Gene agreed, Tim posed to the crowd, 24/7 roll Gene wins. Nope, best two out of three, with it being a ladder match with no ladder or no belt. It was decided that Oscar would hold his trouser belt up in the air, Tim couldn’t reach so Gene grabbed it, Gene wins.

Nope, three out of five now, an I Quit match with Tim shouting “I’m gonna make you say I QUIT” - Gene wins again.

Nope, now it’s a regular wrestling match, after Tim missed a Not Finn Balor Gene put Tim in a hammerlock with Tim tapping his approval, Oscar called a tap out much to Tim’s chagrin, Gene wins.

You guessed it, now it’s best of nine, really upping the ante Tim announced he was the Protégé of Chris Ridgeway (who was in the crowd), calling himself Chris Midgeway. He said he was going to soften up Gene for him the next day at SSS16.

Gene eventually agreed to take a bump for Tim, who finally got a pin his joy was pretty short lived as Gene hit him with an Ainslie for a 5-1 win.

Callum Newman v Kacie - £10 coffee voucher on the line

With Kacie fired up as she wanted coffee this was as close to a proper wrestling match as we had all night, apart from Callum trying to get the win on the stairs and going up the side of the crowd.

Callum, to be fair, was always in control, which is understandable as Kacie has only just started out in her wrestling career. Callum even spun round on the crowd to land a signature spinning kick.

When it came to a chop battle Callum listened to the crowd and instead of chopping Kacie flicked her nose instead. I loved it when Callum was up on a stool, for whatever reason, and Kacie just kicked it away. She also hit a satellite DDT which spiked Callum (great selling) and a meteora. In the end Callum won the coffee with a shining wizard.

Sunshine Machine (Chuck Mambo and TK Cooper) vs Demon Gym (Kid Lykos and Kid Lykos II)

Those of you who know about No Ring 2 know poor old TK Cooper died, so in came Chuck Mambo with some bad news; TK’s still dead. There was some good news however, they’re now double champs (which nearly turned to bad news as a seething Dan Maloney had to be held back).

However, Mambo had been studying resurrection and so, after bringing out three coffins and giving out candles he required three things; a sock of someone who voted remain, which happened to be me, a blue plastic ball and someone to sing the first line of Undertaker’s ‘Rolling’ entrance song.

Once all this was done the middle coffin opened and TK was alive, but then something went wrong, to everybody’s unimaginable terror Kane’s music played, my sock had opened a pathway to an evil dimension, opening a portal for Demon Gym to enter (Lykos and Lykos II in red capes).

I was a bit wary putting my sock back on after the match. It was one of the funniest matches I have ever seen and, to be honest, words cannot do this justice.

There was just so much on offer, from Lykos taking a resistance band twang to the cubs, TK being held while plastic balls were being thrown at him and Mambo going old school walking across the laps of the front row.

A real highlight was Lykos doing a coffin drop off TK’s back onto Mambo and missing both Mambo and the coffin and hitting the ground with a horrible thud, thankfully he was OK as he was cracking up about a few seconds later.

In the end Captain Midnight’s Revenge onto a coffin wasn’t enough to put the demonic wolves away, who after a Cero Meido hit a double destroyer for the win, sending The Sunshine Machine to another dimension.

This show was one of the best I have been to all year. Each and every performer knocked it out of the park with their humour.

I’m going to give a special mention to Laura Di Matteo whose expressions were spot on. I associate Laura with being laser focused and kicking ass so she was a great surprise here.

It’s also nice to have a show like this, where the wrestlers and fans can really let their hair down and have some fun. With it being show four of the weekend, it didn’t go on too long either so I was able to get home before midnight.