REVIEW: Wrestle Carnival - Charles Crowley’s Funhouse

Wrestle Carnival: Charles Crowley’s Funhouse
Saturday, September 10, 2022
HMV Empire, Coventry
Reviewer: Tia Owen (@blazingoptimist/@tiaowen_author)

If Wrestle Carnival was a TV show, this would be its season finale. But would it be critically acclaimed? To discover that, it was time to head to the Funhouse…

George Lydon vs Nino Bryant vs Levi Muir

Coming off a huge win at the last Coventry show, George Lydon was looking to finish the year strong against two similarly hot young talents.

The first was Levi Muir - featured on the late NXT UK and also popping up in other BritWres promotions like UBW and Wrestle Force.

Muir’s undoubtedly got a good look, his in-ring ability belies his size, and he can handle himself on the mic.

Working as the heel in this match allowed him to show the fifth of the mythical 5 tools, namely his versatility. As at the last Coventry show, the crowd was a big part of why this went so smoothly.

When he boasted to them that he was “the best athlete in the game”, they duly responded by chanting “anyone but Levi”.

Nino Bryant could not be more different - a startlingly young pocket rocket who’s made his name as a singles wrestler, and in a team with his brother, Zander.

Predictably, the two smaller men teamed up to take out Muir, at which point they turned to a stellar exchange with each other.

Lydon and Bryant may have the stature of your typical “flippy shit” wrestlers, but they cut their teeth in a traditional World of Sport environment. That was clear to see as they put on a show of great catch-as-catch-can wrestling.

In the end, it was George that pulled off the win, continuing his rise up the ranks of Wrestle Carnival. There was no love lost between him and Levi though, with the latter looking at the former with a face like thunder as he went to the back.

Maddison Miles vs Clementine

I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed when I heard The Ava wasn’t able to compete. I think she’s an absolutely stellar heel - but Maddison Miles more than filled the role.

As she would tell me during the interval, Miles isn’t a rookie by any means. She’s wrestled since the age of 17 in promotions across Canada, and popular British promotions like Pro Wrestling EVE and RevPro.

She also knows how to work the crowd; throughout the match she was constantly berating Clementine, claiming that she had “nothing in there anyway” after hitting her in the head, and asking her “you think you’re gonna ruin my debut like this?”

It made for a great dynamic with Clementine. She’s a consummate babyface if there ever was one, who had several points where she used her speed to her advantage.

However, even that was too much to counteract Maddison’s offence - throwing herself around the ring in a way that wasn’t pretty, but was certainly effective.

I’m not sure what the future holds for the Queen of the Carnival Championship, but if Maddison comes back I think she should definitely be a contender.

Tommy Kyle vs Kelly Sixx - Pure Rules

Considering that the last Pure Rules match in this promotion was the barnstormer of Chris Ridgeway vs Emersyn Jayne, this one had big heights to reach.

I’ve seen Tommy Kyle many times over his career, but this marked the first time I’d seen Kelly Sixx live. He’s known to me as a former Defiant Wrestling tag team champion alongside Ashley Dunn in the South Coast Connection, but even in those short years he’s transformed from a young punk upstart to an agile big man.

Importantly, neither of these men were Pure Rules veterans. This came into play early in the match, with Tommy unwittingly using his first rope break.

Kelly made the most of this early advantage, his confidence almost verging into cockiness as he told Tommy that “the ropes are there if you want ‘em, mate”.

I love when wrestlers get verbal during matches - it adds an extra dimension that you don't really get in other sports.

Tommy was unfazed by this - going so far as to roll his eyes in reaction to a slap to the chest from Kelly. He eventually got the win via submission, before taking to the mic to call out current PURE Champion, Chris Ridgeway.

As he pointed out, Chris is currently flying the flag for British wrestling in Japan. “The thing is Chris,” he declared, “I work harder than you.” He issued a challenge to him for Wrestle Carnival’s next show in January.

This has the potential to be a sleeper hit - and with Wrestle Carnival’s track record of supporting underrated talent, I think we could be in for an upset.

Charlie Morgan and Alex Windsor (Titanium Infinity) vs Debbie Dahmer and Emersyn Jayne (Battle of the Besties)

With Jetta otherwise occupied tonight, Charlie Morgan enlisted the services of Alex Windsor for this tag match, dubbed “The Battle of the Besties”.

Quick side note: though I give Debbie and Emersyn points for the matching gear, Titanium Infinity has the coolest tag team name I’ve ever heard.

Getting back to the match itself, it was an incredibly fast-paced affair, with the quick exchanges you’d expect from a foursome that knows each other so well.

Though Titanium Infinity got the three count, my stand out here was Emersyn. Despite all the talent in the women’s division, she isn’t to be forgotten post-Ridgeway.

I was dismayed to see her being helped off afterwards with a potential injury, and hope it’s nothing that keeps her out of title contention for too long.

Danny Jones vs Nathan Cruz - King of Chaos Championship

Another hallmark of Wrestle Carnival is the defending of championships from other promotions. That continued as “Made of Stone” Danny Jones defended his Pro Wrestling Chaos King of Chaos championship against Nathan Cruz. Wearing a badass long coat and having forsaken his former nicknames, Cruz clearly meant business.

Both are big men, and that showed in the growly collar and elbow tie up that started off the match. Like George Lydons before them, both Cruz and Jones are trained in the classic British style - and the echoes of this here and throughout the match were great to see.

However, if Nathan Cruz has gained a reputation for one thing, it’s skulduggery - and true to form, he tried to illegally use the title belt to take out Jones.

Joseph Conners was having none of it, though. It was his distraction that allowed Danny to retain via a thunderous brainbuster.

The tension between Cruz and Conners’ continues to build; their inevitable collision looks to be an epic one.

Boisterous Behaviour (Leon Slater and Man Like Dereiss) vs Mark Haskins and Robbie X

Fun fact: the first time I saw Mark Haskins live was at the first wrestling show I ever attended, for All Star Wrestling in Blackpool. That was just after he’d left TNA. He’s since risen to become one of the pillars of BritWres, so I was excited to see his evolution in action.

But that’s not to downplay the skills of everyone else in this match. Robbie X needs no introduction, while Dereiss and Leon have been making a name for themselves in the Carnival and beyond.

“Tag team synergy” is a term bandied around a lot, but both pairs here had it in spades…and that’s not even mentioning the impact Vicky Haskins had from the outside.

Her encouragement and constructive criticism added another layer to an already incredible contest. At times it looked like either team might win, but in the end the veterans Haskins and Robbie were victorious.

As the two teams shook hands a fitting chant of “Both these teams!” rang out around the HMV Empire.

Joseph Conners vs Brady Phillips

This was one of the matches I was most excited for when it was first announced. Conners and Phillips are two technical wrestling marvels, and they more than delivered on the hype.

The match was as hard hitting as anyone expected - with chops aplenty and fighting outside the ring to boot.

Both Brady and Joseph are brimming with confidence, and Brady in particular earned the right to be so. I’ve never seen a man absorb such a beating!

In a match where both competitors have so much experience, it came down to who would blink first. That turned out to be Brady, who Conners eventually caught with a small package.

There was an intense staredown after the match ended, with Conners asking Brady whether they were going to walk off, shake hands or go again (I’d have plumped for the latter). The show of mutual respect was lovely to see - but Nathan Cruz looked to spoil the moment.

The attack looked to have been halted by the previously victorious team of Mark Haskins and Robbie X - but the heroics weren’t what they first appeared to be.

Under Vicky Haskins’ direction, the pair attacked Conners and were soon joined by Cru. Before this show, I wouldn’t have put these three in a stable. However, they’re arguably three of Britain’s top wrestling talents, covering different styles and experience levels.

They don’t have a name yet (the first attempt showing why you should always do your research). I don’t have any sway in the company, but for what it’s worth, I like the idea of calling them Reboot.

Jetta vs Lizzy Evo - Queen of the Carnival Championship

“Jetta you’re the best'' is what the crowd sings as the Princess Diana of British Wrestling makes her entrance. In this match she was looking to prove it against perennial challenger Lizzy Evo.

Jetta’s intensity is often hidden by her great connection with the fans, but it was uncovered here as she battled not only for the title, but for her fiancée’s honour.

At the previous Wrestle Carnival show, Lizzy attacked Jetta’s real-life partner Charlie Morgan, going full 2014 Seth Rollins by threatening to break her leg if Jetta didn’t give her a title shot.

The Liver Bird brought her usual mean streak out to play in this match, working the crowd to perfection as she always does. Jetta wasn't ready to let the Queen of the Carnival championship go yet, and employed her own brand of viciousness in order to retain.

I’m genuinely unsure who’ll end up dethroning Jetta, but they’ll have to bring something special.

Charles Crowley vs Gene Munny- Fun House Match, with Special Referee Jerry Bakewell

We ended the show with the match this edition was named for. It was first announced back when Funhouse was an 18+ show, so I was intrigued to see if the dynamics of the match would be much different due to being in front of a family crowd.

For me, special guest referees can make or break the matches they’re in. A genius loophole meant this was the latter. With his authority as a referee, Bakewell made the match not a triple threat, but a fatal four way - with Dereiss as the fourth entrant!

As you can imagine, this got a massive pop from the crowd - and made for a great atmosphere to start off the match.

After narrowly missing out on becoming champion at the 1st Anniversary show, Dereiss wanted to make it second time lucky. He made his intentions clear by immediately taking down Crowley with a suicide dive.

Though the Crowley/Dereiss feud was central to this match, Bakewell and Munny more than pulled their weight too. Both men are rightly known as comedy wrestlers, but they’re also deceptively strong. I got a big kick out of seeing Jerry Bakewell unload a series of snap mares.

Crowley, for what it’s worth, kept to his usual tactics of dodging, weaving, and generally being a slippery little twat. Dereiss was wise to his tricks, though.

After withstanding a Merry-Go-Down and a hit to the face with Gene Munny’s Big Top briefcase, it was a sharp kick to the face took Crowley down. Finally, the Lyrical Dragon had won his first title in Wrestle Carnival.

With this feud having rumbled on since October 2021, it was super satisfying to see Dereiss victorious in front of such a hot crowd (especially a group of young kids in the corner of the room who were shouting for Dereiss as if their lives depended on it).

For a moment, it looked as if we may have got Dereiss’ first title defence right then and there - with Gene Munny the holder of a title shot whenever he chooses.

Gene, however, decided against this, the real story of this match coming as Charles Crowley was left alone in the ring.

Spectacular Twat he may be, but Crowley held Wrestle Carnival’s top title for 221 days. Even those fans who’d made no secret of their hatred of him showed their appreciation, as Crowley laid his top hat down for what looked like a final goodbye.

Then, the lights went down.

On the screen, a video played of an incident from after the 1st Anniversary show, where Crowley was attacked backstage by a hooded assailant.

For his part, Crowley was defiant. But as he dared the attacker to face him, he was blindsided with a chair to the back. The attacker then revealed himself as Spike Trivet.

He was only stopped from delivering a second chair shot when Crowley’s BDSM tag partner Clementine came out to make the save.

This didn’t deter The Sovereign Lord. Despite delivering a chair shot to Clementine and being attacked by a vengeful Crowley, Spike ended up subduing both members.

To a man with morals, this would have been enough.

Trivet sank even lower. With both Crowley and Clementine laid out, he forced the former to watch as he tombstoned the latter.

As much as I love pro wrestling, it’s very rare that it makes me cry. The moments after this happened were an exception. Watching a beaten Crowley drag himself towards Clementine, telling her everything was okay before heaving her into his arms and out of the ring with a pained cry… Calling it “heartbreaking” does the moment a disservice. It was raw emotion - and it stayed with me long after I left the arena.

So, where does all this leave Wrestle Carnival? Of course, there’s a new title holder - looking to shake things up at the top. The same goes for the Cruz/Haskins/Robbie X tandem. And Crowley is as laser focused now as he was as champion.

In short, the Carnival rounds out this year reaffirming its status as the UK’s Variety Wrestling Show. Roll on 2023!

REVIEW: Wrestle Carnival - Charles Crowley’s Funhouse

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