REVIEW: Riot Cabaret - The Grand Slam

Riot Cabaret Pro Wrestling: The Grand Slam
The Clapham Grand, London
Tuesday, August 23, 2022
Reviewer: Iwan Mackenzie (@iwanmack)

So my trip to the show began with on the Elizabeth Line to Tottenham Court Road and then over to Waterloo to meet my brother, Leighton, as we grabbed the train to Clapham Junction.

We met everyone outside the venue and originally wanting to try out Stormzy’s Kitchen but it was closed so instead we went to McDonalds.

Now, this is probably the Poshest McDonalds in the UK, with classical music playing and leather chairs to sit in - the only criticism I do have is how disinterested the staff are. I get it’s a minimal wage job and you’re not really getting any pleasure out of it, but at the same time I’d rather not have a passive aggressive look when receiving my Chicken Legend.

Finished up there and headed back inside the venue and it seemed quiet at first but soon filled up which was great to see, I will say though that the music was very slow for the start, needed more hits to get the crowd warmed up.

James was our host again (wasn’t until this week that I realised that he was acting in Doctor Who: Time Fracture when I went), he ran down the card and when Spike Trivet was mentioned I got a shoutout after Spike’s comments towards me last time.

Dan Moloney came out for a promo for his match against Chuck Mambo, he had a few barbs at Mambo before Tate Mayfairs came out saying he had Dan beat last time and he should have the title shot.

Dan then gave him a little slap on the bollocks and it all kind of ended there. The promo’s were fine but I felt it was unnecessary for this show really.

Man Like Dereiss vs Levi Muir

For the second time now, Riot have known the perfect people to put out first to get the crowd into it and their is not many better people on this scene in terms of getting the crowd into it than Man Like Dereiss.

His entrance is so good, everyone can get involved, it is perfect. It’s also worth mentioning that Levi Muir is an absolute Greek God of a man.

This was a really strong opener of a match, the crowd was into it and I felt both men worked well together for the most part.

There were a few shaky moments here and there but you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

I’ve waxed lyrical (pardon the pun) about Dereiss plenty of times, he’s one of my favourite wrestlers on this scene, but I would like to talk about Levi Muir; he’s somebody that has gone from incredibly raw to somebody who has found his feet and can get even better, he looks great. He’s great at the big power moves and does have speed to him, he has all the tools to succeed.

We had Man Like Dereiss win this with the Sitout Powerbomb.

Murdoch & Greedy Souls (Danny Jones & Brendan White) vs CPF (Maverick Mayhew, Danny Black & Callum Newman)

So last show Murdoch cost Joe Lando a spot in the Championship Final and Greedy Souls beat Danny Black and Callum Newman after an injury.

So, with Lando being in the States tearing it up, we had Black and Newman call upon their other ‘Close Personal Friend’ in Maverick Mayhew to deal with both Murdoch and Greedy Souls.

Talking of great entrances once again, CPF coming out to Backstreet’s Back is just cool and it does feel very 2022 and current.

I thought this was a very good match, everyone played their part well here and all brought something to the match.

I’m really digging the Greedy Souls recently, I’m loving that their just a big bruiser tag team that don’t care for people’s chants and love the hate. Murdoch is just a complete shit, taking shots where he could, it was brilliant and made it better when he took offence from the babyfaces.

I’m a big fan of all the CPF guys but have to say Callum Newman stood out most here, his hot tag was fantastic and some of the moves he was pulling off was just great. Shoutout to his backflip straight into a German Suplex, Chef’s Kiss.

There was some fighting on the stage between CPF and Greedy Souls, Maverick returned to the ring to deal with Murdoch but Murdoch rolled him up to get the Win here, lovey bit of Shithousery.

Spike Trivet vs TK Cooper

This match was supposed to happen on the first show but was cancelled due to Spike’s Injury. Spike had a promo before this, going on about how he and TK were “shoot friends” and the crowd were giving him shit.

One woman shouted something to him, Spike went to fire back but held back as the woman was near climbing over the barrier with how riled up she got.

He stirred the pot and said Chuck Mambo could have chosen TK as his opponent and didn't, then told the story of the Rockers and said TK was the Marty Janetty of Sunshine Machine but it’s actually worse to be TK Cooper, this riled TK up and he went straight after Spike, I loved this little bit of needle to give the match that little something.

They brawled all outside, TK tied Spike to a chair and then ran from one end of the room to the other with me leading the complimentary “Ole, Ole, Ole” chant as TK kicked Spike after the run and slide.

They got back inside and the main juice of the match happened as TK landed funny on a potential dive so Spike took advantage of this and completely worked TK’s leg throughout.

Really good story told here and TK’s fighting spirit was believable and didn’t take away from what had come from before.

We had Spike eventually win this after locking in a Figure Four Heel Hook to get the Submission, my second favourite match of the night behind the main event.

Both guys worked so well together and I did get a lot of RIPTIDE vibes from this whole thing.

Nina Samuels vs Harley Hudson - Riot Cabaret Women's World Championship Match

After her victory in the JukeBox Rumble last time round, Harley got her opportunity to fight for the Women’s World Championship here against former NXT UK star Nina Samuels, who had a fantastic entrance here herself. I’ve got to say, Harley thanking the crowd for chanting her name is just wholesome content.

This was a very good match, Nina is very comfortable at delivering these kinds of solid matches by this point and she’s good at helping showcase her opponents, case in point Harley Hudson, somebody that is really good for her age and experience level and you know is only going to get better over time, very similar to what I was saying about Levi Muir earlier.

Going into this match I think the crowd was very much thinking Harley would win this but we actually had the shock of Nina Samuels winning this to become the first ever Women’s World Champion as she was showered with confetti.

She had a promo afterwards to put over that it meant a lot to her and Harley Hudson but said she’ll dominate this division and run over anybody that gets in her way, her promo was delivered in a heel tone but people were cheering which I found weird.

Cabaret Carnage Match

So this was listed as four competitors and an ‘open mic’ spot and it was an elimination match as well.

I’ve decided to omit the names in the header because you need to read what happened here as I try to explain it best I can.

We had Jerry Bakewell out first to the classic “Bullseye” TV theme, as he proceeded to do a more adult version of his viral Britain's Got Talent routine.

There was some pretty funny jokes before we had Session Moth Martina out to “She’s a Maniac” and had another great entrance on this show.

I know I’ve been pretty critical of Martina before but in Riot Cabaret so far, they seemed to have find her in roles that she thrives in and gets the most out of.

We then had the ‘open mic’ spot taken by Skye Smitson, who kept her Toxic remix theme from the Jukebox Rumble, she said she was bringing the ‘Professional Wrestling’ to this match and wasn’t a fan of the comedy before calling Martina an 'alcoholic’, she then said the next person to walk was a ‘Dead Man’…

Cue the dong and bells as the Undertaker’s theme hit and we had Big Dick Energy decked out in full Paul Bearer and Undertaker get up, circa 1991, nailing a pitch perfect parody entrance that had everyone in fits of laughter.

The fun did not stop there as we had Paul Bearer repeating the “Oh Yeah” catchphrase before launching into a dance number set to “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga, we then proceeded to get this epic burlesque dance to the whole song, truly delivering the Cabaret in Riot Cabaret.

This was so funny, so engaging and incredibly creative, full credit to Rocky Rhodes of Big Dick Energy here for this incredible work.

Smitson attacked Bearer after this to massive boos before she met “Undertaker” who did all of the typical Undertaker moves you’d expect including a perfect Old School (or the Primary School because it’s the 1991 version).

Smitson rolled them up for the first elimination of the match, we then had Jerry Bakewell in to deliver the Airplane Spin but Smitson escaped this and rolled him up for the elimination as well.

It was then down to the Smitson and Martina; Smitson dominated her before the lights went down and Paul Bearer, in some striped pyjamas, showed up and threw the ashes from the urn to Martina which turned out to be a Cocaine-like aubstance that turned Martina into Session Moth Tony Montana, as we chanted the name of a certain well known wrestling promoter who may be Elite in some people’s eyes…

In the end we had Martina hit the Seshbreaker on Smitson to get the win, Smitson loses again in these concept matches.

This was very funny on all parts and the crowd were so loud for everything here, perfect way to open the second half of the show, massive shoutout to Big Dick Energy they brought freshness to this show and variety which is what you love to see.

Livvi Grace vs Kelly Van Ness

It’s fair to say these two had a bit of an uphill struggle after such a funny match that involved sing-a-longs and the like, the crowd were burnt out and despite them being in the Rumble last time these two were still new to the crowd.

The positive thing I can say about this match is that it was short, because it was pretty bad if I’m being brutally honest, the crowd not really getting behind either wasn’t a great start.

There was a lot of botching and stilted wrestling that just made this an awkward watch from start to finish, bad idea to out these two against one another.

We had Livvi win this match as she signalled towards the Women’s World Championship afterwards.

Chuck Mambo vs Dan Moloney - Riot Cabaret World Championship Match

The crowd was 55-45 split in favour of Dan Moloney here, which I found odd considering Mambo’s massively popular win last time, but a lot of the faces in the crowd were new so they wouldn’t have seen what happened last time out.

James said that Tate Mayfairs wasn’t to get involved, they beefed up security and had Man Like Deriess and TK Cooper in their respective tag partners corners.

As soon as the bell rang Dan Moloney hit a Spear and nearly got a three, they fought to the outside, Mambo walked across the railings but was dragged into the ringpost. They fought over by the toilets with both exchanging massive chops before they got back into the ring.

Let me tell you the action never stopped for a second here, this was a fight from start to finish and the Championship itself felt like a real prize to fight for.

Memorable moments to note in this match were Mambo doing the Andrade knees off the stage onto a seated Moloney on the Ring Apron, Moloney hitting a top rope sitout powerbomb, and both men kicking out of each other’s finishers (Springboard Frog Splash and Drilla Killa respectively).

We had so many kickouts through this match but it kept the fans on board and invested still, Dereiss and TK were thrown out after getting into it outside.

It was Mambo in the end who got the win with the Frog Splash again to retain his Championship. This was absolutely fantastic, Mambo was on top form here and Dan Moloney pulled out another banger in South West London in a matter of weeks, he seems to have really found his groove again recently.

This is one of the best live matches of the year for me.

So after this, Dan Moloney is kicked low by a man in a mask who was Tate Mayfairs, he attacked Dan before Dereiss came in to stop it as did Sunshine Machine but they and the 0121 got into it before Greedy Souls came out to attack everyone alongside Mayfairs. CPF entered the fray with Callum hitting this massive dive into the ring; all the teams has fight on the outside with crew members breaking it up.

James comes out and says that they need tag team champions, produces the belts and says the next show will have all four teams in a Tag Turmoil Match to crown the champions.

Then we hear “Party Hard” by Andrew W.K. as Eddie Dennis makes his debut to a massive reception and does his dance before announcing he’ll also be in Tag Team Turmoil with his ‘friend’ that ‘stands united and fucks shit up’ - this was later revealed to be Mark Andrews and the return of FSU).

Mayfairs tried to shake Eddie Dennis hand but Eddie kicked him and delivered Severn Bridge to everyone on the outside to close the show.

This was a chaotic way to end the show and adds plenty of intrigue to the next show, as we left to the tune of “Spin Me Round”.

Overall as a show, Riot Cabaret absolutely smashed it out of the park again, this was a true variety show with plenty for people to enjoy.

Sure, not everything was perfect and there’s still improvements to be made to the promotion but it’s just undeniably fun to watch at the moment and that’s majorly important with these promotions, and I’m now looking forward to their next show on October 18th.

Thanks for reading, you can follow me @IwanMack on Instagram

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